www.universalfreebackup.com — NSA/GCHQ’s PR problem SOLVED!

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Paranoid about the NSA and GCHQ monitoring and storing every last little bit of your online and digital activity? So are lots of other people. It is, of course, a major problem for those organisations, tireless defenders of your liberty that they are, but there is a simple PR solution to the thorny issue of how they can persuade you to love them rather than fear and mistrust them.

My good friend Steve Ingamells and I came up with this a few weeks back, and now the time has come to share it with them – and you. Needless to say, if they adopt our concept, we’ll want paying … BIG TIME. Points, royalties and everything.

Here’s the deal. They open a website called www.universalfreebackup.com, and decorate the homepage with a cheery cartoon figure of a top-hatted Fred Astaire-alike with a stylised memory stick in place of a hoofer’s cane. The copy should read something like SO:

“Lost all your unbacked-up documents and data in a hard drive crash? Someone nicked your smartphone? Dropped your Kindle? RELAX! FUGGEDDABOUDIT!

“Not only do we have all your stuff – but we’ll know the second you lose it, and we’ll restore every last byte via the DropBox we’ve already set up for you!

“And this service is FREE!

“Don’t even bother to thank us — it’s all part of our mission to keep you, your loved ones and your family pet safe from REALLY BAD PEOPLE!

“Universal Free Backup. Brought you by the NSA and GCHQ. We’ve got a lot to love.”

Over to you, guys …