Kvetch a falling star …

Apropos of nothing in particular – and in no apparent order – my three favourite Jewish jokes.

* A mother and her toddler son are walking along a beach when suddenly the skies darken, a strong wind rises and a mighty wave surges over them, snatching up the toddler and carrying him far out to sea.

Stricken by grief and horror, the mother falls to her knees and prays. ‘O Lord!,’ she cries. ‘I beg of you! Bring my baby back to me! If you do this for me, I swear on his life that I will never ask you for anything ever again!’

Thunder rolls, lightning flashes and another awesome wave rolls in, delivering the boy – shaken but unhurt – safely back to his mother. She clasps him in her arms and smothers him with kisses.

Then she says, ‘Just one more thing, O Lord. When that wave took him away, he was wearing a little hat …’

* Russia, 1905. In the aftermath of the failed revolution, two Jewish Communists face a Tsarist firing squad. They are blindfolded. Rifles are loaded and aimed. The captain in charge offers each of them a last cigarette.

‘FRAKK your cigarette, running-dog imperialist lackeys!’ one of them shouts.

The other shushes him, says, ‘Don’t make trouble …’

*A young boy from a poor family returns home from school. ‘Papa!’ he proudly announces, ‘Today I chased the bus home from school and saved a dime!’

‘SCHMUCK!’ thunders his father. ‘Tomorrow chase a cab and save a dollar!’